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Sunday, January 11, 2004

Ultimate Final Exam

Instructions: Read each question thoroughly. Answer
all questions. Time limit - four hours. Begin

Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the
present day, concentrate specifically but not exclusively,
on the social, political, economic, religious, and
philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be
brief, concise and specific.

Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in
which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats,
Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and the Marx brothers.
Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics.

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with
flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Explain the Mona Lisa's smile. Relate all interpretations
associated with it.

Assuming the Judeo-Christian moral structure, take the stand
for Adam and Eve, and the eating of the forbidden fruit.
Explain your position fully to a Chassidic Rabbi, and answer
his arguments. An Anglican bishop will moderate this debate.

Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following:
the universe is infinite; truth is beauty; there is not a
little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator
when you close the door, and that you are the person taking
this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific; show
all work.

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind
of thought.

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your position.

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not
suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed five hundred
years earlier, with special attention to the probable
effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove your

Employing principles from the major schools of
psychoanalytic thought, successfully subject yourself to
analysis. Make appropriate personality changes, bill
yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do
the same to the person seated to your immediate left. Also,
based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate
the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed
frustrations of each of the following Alexander of
Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi.
Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's
work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to

Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the
end of the world. Construct and experiment to test your

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of you plan in the following
areas Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of
light. Outline a method from all points of view. Point out
deficiencies in your argument as demonstrated in your answer
to the last question.

Computer Science
Define computer. Define Science. How do they relate? Why?
Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all computer
decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals,
each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the
communications to interface and all the necessary control

Management Science
Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why?
Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial
decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals,
each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the
communications interface and all necessary control programs.

Public Speaking
2,500 riot-crazed students are storming the classroom. Calm
them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
on science.

Modern Physics
Disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Construct an
experiment to prove your position.

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an
instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take
whatever action you feel is appropriate. Prove your
assertions, and be prepared to cost- and motion- justify
your decision.

Agricultural Science
Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super high
yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its
chemical and physical properties and estimate its impact on
world food supplies. Construct a model for dealing with
world-wide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize acceptance

Three minute time test. Read everything before doing
anything. Put your name in the upper right hand corner of
this page. Circle the word name in sentence three. Sign your
name under the title of this paper, after the title write
yes, yes, yes. Put an X in the lower left hand corner of
this paper. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down.
On the back of this paper multiply 703x668. Loudly call out
your name when you get to this point. If you think you have
followed directions carefully to this point call out "I
have." Punch three small holes in the top of this paper. If
you are the first person to get this far, call out "I am the
first person to this point, I am leading in following
directions." On the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and
9850. Put a circle around your answer and put a square
around the circle. Now that you have finished reading
carefully, do only sentence two.

Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Start World
War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if

In Part 2 of Shakespeare's "Henry VI", Jack Cade, the leader
of the Populist revolt, proposes that the first order of
business following a successful coup d'e'tat could be to
"kill all the lawyers". In light of the present populist
mood in the United States, assess the utility and any
potential impact of such a policy today.

Foreign Affairs
It has recently been suggested (especially after Black
Monday) that only a foreign war can restore America's lost
national consensus. Propose the ideal opponent(s) for the US
in such a war, and how the conflict might be engineered so
that US would seem not to be the aggressor in the situation.
Discuss the pros and cons.

Give today's date, in metric.

Transform lead into gold. You will find a tripod and three
logs under your seat. Show all work including Feynman
diagrams and quantum functions for all steps. You have
fifteen minutes.

General Knowledge
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Extra Credit
Define the Universe. Give two examples.

posted by Gary  # 1/11/2004 11:54:00 PM
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