Humor & Story BLOG

Humor & Stories To Make Your Day

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Observations Of All Sorts

ON TERM PAPERs
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
--English Professor, Ohio University

ON MARTIAL ARTS AND METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.

ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a co-ordinate transform.

ON YOUTH
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. In a jar. On my desk.
--Steven King

ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
--Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic.

ON INFINITY
If you had everything, where would you keep it?

ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
--Dorothy Parker

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
--Robert Firth

ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.

ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

The truth of a thing is in the feel of it, not the think of it. (Stanley Kubrick)

posted by Gary  # 1/14/2004 09:38:00 PM
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