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Saturday, January 10, 2004

True Southerners

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie
fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --
you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the
general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -
as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some
sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They
might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best
gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of
hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the
neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know
that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun,
a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a
resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a
first name or something that jumps out ! at you in the dark and
scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines.
We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," not
"on line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will
discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
"Y'all is the contraction of you all, and it is plural, not singular.

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat
them, with lots of butter, but never milk and sugar.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits,
and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a
breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast
food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like
our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of
friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at
little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just
say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

posted by Gary  # 1/10/2004 11:03:00 PM
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