Ads

They *claim* the following were actually taken from recent ads in newspapers:

1. AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

2. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

3. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG

4. 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

5. TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

6. '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

7. STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

8. FREE PUPPIES: 12 COCKER SPANIEL - 12 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

9. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

10. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE - 89 cents

11. GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

12. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.

13. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

14. NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE

15. BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

16. SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

17. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE REWARD.

18. HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB MEETING - Tuesday at 7pm.

19. GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

20. NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

21. FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

22. AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100

23. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

24. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.

25. EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING -$175.

26. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

27. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

28. ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

29. GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

30. GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

31. OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

32. KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

33. FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09/lb.