Things I Have Learned From Kids or Lessons in Life

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a forty year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 4 year olds' voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak -- it explodes.

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

PlayDough and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

No matter HOW much Jell-O you put in a pool, you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Neither do embroidered bedsheets.

Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when driving.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

Always look in the dryer before using it. A 4 year old can break an arm in a rotating dryer.

The fire department in Detroit has at least a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean there's nothing to worry about.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life. Unfortunately, mostly in retrospect