Who's On First... For Windows

Here's an updated version of Abbot and Costello's "Who's on First" (very funny, especially if you've see or heard the original...)
___________________________________________________________________________

ABBOT: "Computer Support Group, can I help you?"

COSTELLO: "Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer"

ABBOT: "Mac?"

COSTELLO: "No, the name is Bud."

ABBOT: "Your computer?"

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one."

ABBOT: "Mac?"

COSTELLO: "I told you, my name is Bud."

ABBOT: " What about Windows?"

COSTELLO "Why? Does it get stuffy?"

ABBOT: "Do you want a computer with Windows?"

COSTELLO: "I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?"

ABBOT: "Wallpaper"

COSTELLO: "Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software."

ABBOT: "Software that runs on Windows?"

COSTELLO: "No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?"

ABBOT: "Office."

COSTELLO: "Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?"

ABBOT: " I just did."

COSTELLO: "You just did what?"

ABBOT: "Recommended something"

COSTELLO: "You recommended something?"

ABBOT: "Yes"

COSTELLO: "For my office?"

ABBOT: "Yes"

COSTELLO: "Okay, what did you recommend for my office?"

ABBOT: "Office."

COSTELLO: "Yes, for my office."

ABBOT: "Office for Windows"

COSTELLO: "I already have an office, and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?"

ABBOT: "Word"

COSTELLO: "If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. What program do I load?"

ABBOT: "Word"

COSTELLO: "What word?"

ABBOT: "The Word in Office."

COSTELLO: "The only word in office is office"

ABBOT: "The Word in Office for Windows"

COSTELLO: "Which word in "office for windows"?"

ABBOT: "The Word you get when you click the blue W"

COSTELLO: "I'm going to click YOUR big W if you don't give me a straight answer! Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?"

ABBOT: "RealOne"

COSTELLO: "Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?"

ABBOT: "RealOne"

COSTELLO: "If it 's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?"

ABBOT: "Of course."

COSTELLO: "Great! With what?"

ABBOT: "RealOne"

COSTELLO: "Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?"

ABBOT: "You click the blue 1"

COSTELLO: "I click the blue one what?"

ABBOT: "The blue 1"

COSTELLO: "Is that different from the blue W?"

ABBOT: "Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word."

COSTELLO: "What word?"

ABBOT: "The Word in Office for Windows."

COSTELLO: "But there's three words in 'office for windows!!'"

ABBOT: "No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world."

COSTELLO: "It is?"

ABBOT: "Yes, although to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words."

COSTELLO: "And that word is the real one?"

ABBOT: "No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office."

COSTELLO: "Never mind; I don't want to get started with THAT again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?"

ABBOT: "Money"

COSTELLO: "That's right. What do you have?"

ABBOT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "I need money to track my money?"

ABBOT: "No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer."

COSTELLO: "What comes bundled with my computer?"

ABBOT: "Money"

COSTELLO: "Money comes bundled with my computer?"

ABBOT: "Exactly. No extra charge"

COSTELLO: "I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?"

ABBOT: ; "Just one copy."

COSTELLO: "I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?"

ABBOT: "No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money."

COSTELLO: "Microsoft can license you to make money?"

ABBOT: "Why not? They own it."

COSTELLO: "Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?"

ABBOT: "Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago."

COSTELLO: "Well, what do you sell in its place?"

ABBOT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "You sell money?"

ABBOT: "Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free."

COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?"

ABBOT: "Simply Accounting"

COSTELLO: "Probably, but it might get a little complicated."

ABBOT: "If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B."

COSTELLO: "M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?"

ABBOT: "Mind Your Own Business."

COSTELLO: "I beg your pardon?"

ABBOT: "No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B."

COSTELLO: "Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know -- accounting? You do it with money."

ABBOT: "Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more."

COSTELLO: "More money?"

ABBOT: "More than Money. Money can't do everything."

COSTELLO: "I don't need a sermon!! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?"

ABBOT: "GoBack."

COSTELLO: "Okay.&n bsp; I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?"

ABBOT: "GoBack"

COSTELLO: "How many times do I have to repeat myself!?!"

ABBOT: "I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack."

COSTELLO: "How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?"

ABBOT: "Word."

COSTELLO: "But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal."

ABBOT: "No, you only need one Word - the Word in Office for Windows"

COSTELLO: "But there's three words in...Oh, never mind."

ABBOT: "Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh well, "Oh well.

Computer Support Group. Can I help you?"